Who is this for?
Anyone who thinks they could benefit from my feedback—a professional blogger with a PhD and years of experience writing in a way that makes people's butts perk up.
Who is this NOT for?
- People who are not interested in improving their writing skills.
- People who get easily upset when someone critiques their writing.
- People who think I (or anyone else) can make them go viral.
- People who don't like my writing style.
- People who are just looking for a cheap freelancer.
- Vladimir Putin.
How does it work?
You submit a draft to me in PDF format and I'll take a close look at it, providing you with written feedback chock-full of suggestions on how to improve it.
Do you work with beginners?
Yes. Whether you've never published a blog post or you've been blogging for years, I'm happy to work with you.
Do you work with non-native English speakers?
Yes. If English isn't your first language, that's fine :)
What are your credentials?
There's only one that should matter—you like my writing and want to hear my feedback specifically.
But in case you want some additional reassurance, here we go:
- As a lecturer at my local university, I've helped countless students improve their writing.
- I have peer reviewed dozens of scientific papers and thus helped fellow scientists get their papers into publication-ready shape.
- My scientific writing has won best paper awards in various IEEE conferences (the IEEE is the organization that standardizes such shit as Wi-Fi).
- My own popular writing on Medium has been showered with exuberant praise.
- Several of my Medium stories have been featured by the Medium editorial staff.
- Several of my stories have gone viral and earned hundreds of thousands of views.
- My mom says I'm a very good writer :)
What sort of draft can I submit to you?
It should be a draft for a blog post, Medium story, or equivalent.
Does it have to be an unpublished draft?
No. You can also send me a story that you've already published on Medium, your blog, or elsewhere.
How long can my draft be?
Up to 4,000 words.
What topics can the draft be about?
It can be about anything you want, but it should be written for a general Internet audience.
What if I don't have a draft?
Then write one!
Writing is not a spectator sport like piano hurling. The only way to improve your writing is by actually writing.
And the FASTEST way to improve your writing is to write and then get DETAILED feedback on it, which is what I'm for ;)
So write a draft, even if it's a shitty one. I'll help you unshittify it.
Will you write for me?
Sorry, no. I'm offering my services to help you become a better writer and that means you need to write yourself.
Does my draft need to be humorous?
No. Although I tend to infuse my own writing with humor whenever I can, you can send me dead serious stuff too :)
What file format should the draft be?
It should be a PDF file.
Do I have to pay in advance?
And what exactly am I paying you for?
You're paying me for my time. Specifically, you're paying me for the time it takes me to review your draft. This includes the time to read your draft and the time to produce a written document with my feedback.
But how do you know in advance how long it will take you to review my draft?
I don't. I'll use a timer while reviewing your draft.
You have the option of buying one, two, or three hours of my time.
If you buy one hour, I'll give you one hour's worth of feedback. If you buy two, I'll give you two hours' worth of feedback. And if you buy three, I'll give you three hours' worth of feedback.
Think of it as putting fuel into my gas tank. The more fuel you put into me (the more time you buy), the further I'll go (the more feedback I'll provide).
What if I buy too much time, i.e., more than you need to review my draft?
Then you can use any leftover time to get feedback on another draft—or the same draft after you've revised it.
Does the leftover time expire?
Yes. You have 30 days after I've provided you with my feedback to send me a new draft or a revised draft.
In which cases do I get a refund?
Only in one case: if I fail to send you my feedback within 14 days after you bought my time.
What if I'm not happy with your feedback?
Then we will both be sad :(
But if that's something you're worried about, I suggest you first buy only one hour of my time to see how you like working with me.
How will you deliver your feedback?
I will send you a written text file via email. The text file will contain notes on your draft.
What will the feedback look like?
Depends on how much time you buy. If you just buy one hour of my time, I obviously can't give you as much feedback as if you buy three hours.
That said, unless you want me to focus on something in particular, I will provide you with both general and specific feedback which may include the following:
- Notes on the organization and structure of the draft.
- Big-picture notes.
- Suggested improvements for the headline, specific paragraphs, subheads, and phrases.
- Notes on confusing sections.
- Grammar issues and typos.
- Notes on how to make your writing more appealing to an Internet audience.
- Notes on the formatting of your draft.
How soon can I expect your feedback?
Usually within two or three days after you've made your payment—unless I'm traveling or I'm sick with testicular gorilla tit virus.
If it takes me longer than 14 days, you can ask for a refund.
Can I send you more than one draft at a time?
No. Only send me one draft at a time please.
What should I do with your feedback?
Read it, of course! And then use it to improve your draft.
What should I NOT do with your feedback?
Share it. It's for your eyes only.
What if I have questions about your feedback?
If it's just one or two questions that I can quickly answer, simply reply to the email in which I sent you my feedback. But if you need more than that, it's probably best if you book a day of Voxer with me.
Do I retain all copyright and can I publish the draft that's been improved with your help?
Yes. You can publish it on Medium, your blog, Tinder, or wherever else you want. The draft is all yours and you can do with it whatever you want.
As to the copyright, since I will only provide you with guidance and help, but not write any words for you, the copyright remains all yours :)
If I publish my draft, do I have to acknowledge your help?
No, but if you do, I'll do a happy dance :)
I'm not sure if this is right for me. What should I do?
No problem. Just get in touch with me and tell me what you're worried about. I'll get back to you :)
I have one more question before I book!
Again, just get in touch with me and ask away. I'll get back to you :)
Wait. I almost forgot! How much do you charge?
I charge USD $69.69 per hour. Why? Because I have the sense of humor of a precocious nine-year-old boy.
Specifically, the three options are:
- One hour's worth of feedback: USD $69.69
- Two hours' worth of feedback: USD $139.38
- Three hours' worth of feedback: USD $209.07
And what am I getting again?
You are getting DETAILED feedback on one of your drafts from me, a hugely popular Medium writer who not only has a PhD, but who knows how to enchant audiences.
And since detailed feedback is the quickest way to improve your writing, you're basically paying to level up your writing as fast as possible.
Alright, I'm interested! How do I proceed?
Awesome! Here's how it works:
Make sure you've read through the above questions and answers.
Upload the current version of your draft here.
Fill out the application form in the next section and hit submit.
After submission, you'll be shown a message explaining that your request to get your draft reviewed by me has been submitted.
Give me some time to take a quick look at your draft and check my availability.
If everything's cool, I will send you a copy of the service agreement per email (you can preview it at the bottom of this page). To proceed, you'll have to reply with the words "I accept the agreement."
Once I've got in writing that the agreement works for you, I'll approve your request.
You'll receive an email informing you that you're in.
The email will contain a link to a page where you can proceed to make the payment, after which you'll get to choose how many hours of reviewing time you want to buy.
Once you've paid, wait while the following happens:
- I get an automated email notification that you've completed the payment.
- I'll reach out to you by email to tell you that I have received your payment and that I'll soon start working on your draft.
- I'll set a timer and review your draft, writing down any feedback I have.
- When the time is up, I'll stop reviewing.
- I'll send you my feedback by email.
You read my feedback and, hopefully, use it to improve your draft :)
Okay, dear Coffee Cake Muffin, time to be serious for a moment. The following is an agreement between you and me to give us both peace of mind in case you hire me for a draft review.
For example, if I were suddenly hospitalized with a raging new variant of the coronavirus that would make it impossible for me to review your draft in the foreseeable future, we would want to have thought of that, i.e., made it clear that you get a refund.
As another example, we need to make it clear in writing that I'm not going to retain any intellectual property or copyright on your draft, even if you've improved your draft with my help.
So please read the following terms carefully and make sure you agree with each of them before you proceed:
- Don't purchase my draft reviewing time if you're not a fan of my writing and comics.
- Don't send me drafts longer than 4,000 words.
- When deciding how much time to purchase, factor in the reading time of your draft. I'll have to read your draft at least twice to give sensible feedback. So if your draft is, let's say, a 10 min read, it will take me 20 min just to read it twice.
- Expect my feedback within 14 days after you've paid.
- Feel free to use (or disregard) any of my suggested improvements.
- You can apply any of my suggested improvements and then use the revised draft commercially (e.g. publish it within the Medium Partner Program or a monetized blog).
- If you publish the improved draft, you don't have to acknowledge my contribution (although it will be appreciated).
- I will not write paragraphs or sections for you. I'll only provide suggestions and opinions.
- Don't share my feedback with other people. It's for your eyes only.
- I cannot guarantee the success of the revised draft (e.g. whether the final article will go viral, be curated by Medium, accepted by a publication, etc.).
- I'll refund you only if I fail to deliver my feedback within 14 days after you've paid, i.e., if I haven't sent you my feedback before 14 * 24 = 336 hours have elapsed from the moment you paid.
- No refunds in case you disagree with the amount or nature of my feedback. If this sounds risky to you, don't purchase more than one hour of my time.
- Don't take negative feedback personally. My comments may come across as curt or harsh, but that's only for efficiency's sake (i.e. so that I don't waste your money and my time).
- I'll tell you how much time I've spent reviewing your draft. If it's less than the time you bought, you can send me another draft via email (or the same draft after you've improved it) within 30 days after I've provided you with my initial feedback. I'll allocate the remaining minutes to reviewing that new draft.
- If you send me a new draft, I'll provide you with written feedback for it within 14 days (336 hours) counting from the time you sent me that new draft.
- If I fail to provide feedback within 14 days after receiving your new draft, I'll give you a partial refund proportional to the unused time. For example, if you bought 3 hours of my time and I provided you with 2 hours' worth of feedback for your first draft and then failed to provide you on time with another hour's worth of feedback on your second draft, I'll refund you 1/3 (one third) of the price you paid.
- I cannot guarantee that I will give you feedback on your whole draft within the amount of time you bought. For instance, if it would take me 3 hours to review the whole draft and you only bought 1 hour, I will only give you 1 hour's worth of feedback.
- You retain the full copyright on your draft and any revisions, even if you've improved it with my suggestions.
- Payment occurs in advance (USD $69.69 per hour).
- If I spend more time reviewing your draft than you paid for (e.g., 3 hours when you only bought 1 hour), that's my mistake and I won't charge you for that.
- My service is completed after I've sent you all of the feedback you paid for. For instance, if you paid for 1 hour and I've sent you 1 hour's worth of feedback, my service is completed. If you want further feedback, you'll have to pay for more time.